What Doesn't Kill You
by LilianaNadi
Summary: She went from killing darkspawn to a city in turmoil. With each blow she takes, her world rapidly crumbles. How long will it take before she's able to overcome all that she has lost.


"Remind me why we're here again?" Carver groans.

"And I quote," Hawke responds as she paces in front of her younger brother, "'We should join the army, sister. What would be better than saying we fought alongside King Cailain and the Grey Wardens?' I know _exactly_ what would be better than this." Her voice lowers as she glares at her brother. "Being back in Lothering with mother and Bethany, that's what. But _nnnoooooo_." Her voice rises in pitch as she continues. "You had to sign us both up for the king's army." She throws her hands up in the air and begins pacing again. "I must be insane for listening to you. If I never see another damned darkspawn again I will die a happy person. Venhedis!" She mutters.

Carver cringes at his sisters ranting as he replays the conversation she was referring to in his head. A Captain, as well as a few of his men, had come to Lothering looking for recruits to help battle against the darkspawn that had shown up in the Korcari Wilds. Carver had signed up both he and his older sister, leaving Bethany at home, so that they could not only help the King, but as well as send money back home to their mother. Things had gotten tight after their father had passed away a few years previously and each sibling had tried to find anything they could to keep money coming in. He would never admit it to anyone, least of all himself, but he was in fact jealous that his father had appointed his sister as head of the family before his passing. _Just because she's older doesn't mean she should have the right to tell me what to do._ He thinks to himself. _Father never should have left her in charge._

"…and another thing," Hawke whirls around on her brother as she continues her ranting. "You're the one who wanted to be here so badly so why are you complaining?"

That statement causes Carver's jaw to drop. It takes him a few moments to get his bearing together before responding. "But…I didn't think it was going to be like this. They never said there was going to be this many. That we would have to fight almost every day."

"Newsflash, Carver. The army is _work._ I thought you knew that _before_ you signed us up. Or at least asked a few questions!"

"I did ask questions! What makes you think I didn't?!"

"Apparently you didn't ask the right ones!"

"Who are you to tell me what it is that I should and should not ask, huh? You're not the boss of me, Lili."

"Apparently you're forgetting what father said before he passed, Carver. You _are _supposed to listen to me. I'm supposed to be keeping not only you, but mother and Bethany as well, safe! Or did you forget that?! Apparently you did because now we're here while mother and Bethany are back home being watched over by Dirge!"

"Just because you have a mabari doesn't mean you get to throw it in my face. Why he ever chose you I'll never know."

Hawke's jaw drops. "When the fuck did this turn into an attack on my mabari? And for your information, mabaris know how to judge a person's character. That explains why none of them imprinted to you."

"How dare you!" Carver yells. "I'll have you know…"

* * *

From across the camp their argument can be overheard by almost everyone. Though, by now, most had learned to ignore the two siblings constant bickering.

Fergus Cousland steps out of his tent, having arrived a few days before, and sighs. "Have those two been at it this entire time?" he says to Kirk.

"Aye, they have. I don't know what it's all about but they've barely stopped their bitchin' all mornin'." Kirk rolls his eyes. "The joys of having siblings in the army together."

Fergus looks at Kirk and laughs. "Oh, Kirk. Don't you remember all the times Elissa and me would fight and argue? Just because we get along now doesn't mean we always did. Especially since she practically followed me since the time she could."

Kirk's cheeks flush a light pink. "Sorry, Ser. Just seeing how you's two are now, one tends to forget what it was like when you two were youngin's."

"No harm, Kirk. Now, let me see what I can do to diffuse this situation. Maker knows I don't want to have to listen to all this arguing what with the situation we have here."

Kirk gives Fergus a nod. "Aye. Luck to you."

Fergus tips his head to his men and walks to where the Hawke siblings are sitting. The two are still arguing and don't even notice him until he clears his throat.

"So where's the fire and how do we put it out?" Fergus asked the two siblings.

Carver gives the man a look of confusion while Hawke gave him a sheepish look. "I'm sorry…." She starts.

Fergus puts a hand up to stop her. "Don't worry your pretty little head about it. My sister and I were a lot like you two when we first started training together. And the name's Fergus."

"What? Did you live in her shadow as well?" Carver asks with a sneer. Hawke smacks him on the arm and gives him a glare.

Fergus chose to ignore the attitude and answers the question honestly instead. "On the contrary. She grew up in mine."

"Oh." Carver simply says.

"You see, my sister, Elissa, is a few years younger than I am." Fergus starts as he takes a seat near the Hawke siblings. "For a while she shadowed me wherever I went. Hardly giving me a moment's peace. She about drove me insane some days. It wasn't until she had started her training that things became strained between us. One thing you should know about my sister is that she has always been more fascinated with weapons than dresses. Drove our mother nuts. Anyways, when she started her training, she insisted that I be the one to do it. At first I was completely against it. I tried to make each session as grueling as possible just hoping that she would give it up. But she is a stubborn one. She never once gave in and I admire her for that. Our father had noticed how strained the relationship had become between. I thought he was going to praise me. Imagine my surprise when he told me Elissa and me when he watched one of our training sessions. I was extremely hard on her that day trying to impress my father. After we were done, he summoned me to his study he was disappointed at how I was treating my sister. 'She looks up to you, Fergus.' He said to me. 'Instead of doing everything in your power to make her quit, why don't you focus that energy differently and make her just as good as you are.'"

Fergus smiles slightly at the memory before continuing on. "I thought about what my father had said for a few days and realized he was right. During our next training session Elissa saw that things were different. Instead of yelling at her and telling her what she was doing was wrong, I spoke to her and helped her correct herself. I started looking forward to the training sessions instead of dreading them. She flourished and in no time she was just as good, if not better than I. It helped us become closer."

"What you two need to realize is this. Not all siblings get along all the time. It's almost impossible. Whatever it is you two are fighting about now is trivial to the matter at hand. You're here now and there isn't much you can do about it until it's over. And until then you two need to just grin and bear it and hash these feelings out once you're home. Which, considering what I have been told on how things have been going here, that shouldn't be too long. Do you two think you can manage that?"

Carver rolls his eyes before muttering, "Yes, Ser."

Hawke gives Fergus a bright smile before answering, "Yes, I think that can be managed. And, Fergus?" She asks the man in front of them as he stands to leave.

"Yes? What is it?"

"Thank you."

Fergus gives the two of them a grin before turning around and heading back to his camp.

Carver looks at the ground as he scratches the back of his neck. "Lili…" he starts.

Hawke looks at her brother. "Yes, Carver?" She asks gently.

"Look, I'm sorry I dragged you into this mess." As he gestures to the army camp. "I honestly didn't think it would be anything like this. All they said was that there were small groups of darkspawn appearing and that it shouldn't take long to clear them out. I wanted to do something other than just barely getting by in Lothering. And it only made sense to have you here with me. The only difference is that Bethany knew what I was doing before you did."

"You twins have always been conspiring with each other for as long as I can remember. I wonder, though. Why didn't Bethany say anything to me?" Hawke asks her brother.

"Because I told her not to," Carver answers her.

Hawke smiles. "I should have known. Beth and I may be close but it'll never beat the bond you two have."

"At least that's something I'll always beat you on." Carver brightens up and laughs.

"Yeah, you got me there. How about you and I get some training in before the next swarm of darkspawn appears?"

"Sounds good to me." Carver grunts as he stands up, reaching for his greatsword he had left leaning against his tent.

Hawke grabs her bow and leads the way to the training grounds.

* * *

Across the camp Fergus smiles to himself. _That seems to have worked._

"My lord," Victor asks from behind him.

"Yes, Victor." Fergus says without turning around.

"We're ready to leave for the scouting mission the king has us on. Just waiting for you to say the word."

Fergus nods and turns around. "Then tell the men we leave in ten. Prepare the horses."

Victor nods back. "Aye, my lord." He turns to face the men who are milling about making their final preparations before leaving the camp. "We leave in ten, men. Start loading up the horses!"

Fergus takes one last look at the Hawke siblings before falling into his own thoughts. _I hope Elissa has the castle under control. Maker, keep my family safe. There's no telling when I'll be able to see them next._

Little did Fergus know, events had already unfolded at his childhood home. His parents, wife and child had been slaughtered as well as most of the people that he had grown up with. His sister was one of a few survivors and was at that very moment heading to Ostagar. Her heart heavy with grief and her mind swirling to prepare her for the Joining Ritual she would be taking part in shortly after her arrival.


End file.
